Cyborgs induce shitstorms because they're EVIL

Lots of people LOVE cyborgs.  Think they're really cool.  Want to become cyborgs, even.  Have a fucking gun instead of an arm like you're Barett from FF VII? GO AWAY I HATE YOU!  It makes my skin crawl, like there are 10329831231 tiny robot bugs dancing around figuring out ways to turn me into a machine.  I have seen way too many sci fi movies to ever think that cyborgs are a good thing.  They always do the same damn thing:

THEY END THE WORLD!

I cannot stand them.  I want to punch them all in the face, but at the same time, I'm fucking terrified of the fact that maybe if I touch them I'll somehow become a cyborg, too.  Even when I'm driving in my car and I hear about things like robot-assisted surgery and how AWESOME it is it makes me want to run over the old lady crossing the street with her grandchildren and puppies and then back up and run over them again before finally continuing on my way.  Of course, then I'd probably end up in a high speed chase running from the police and have to move to Canada and hide in someone's basement, but that's okay; I bet all of my Canadian friends would love to house a fugitive.

Over the spring and summer, I watched Torchwood and Doctor Who.  For the most part, everything is fine and dandy.  The Dalek are really creepy, but hilarious; Captain Jack Harkness is a pimp; Rose Tyler is the best companion of the Doctor; the Weeping Angels are EPIC.  But then there's the episodes that make me want to die.  Some of you might already know what I'm talking about..yes, that's right...

The Goddamned CYBERMEN.  The first ever episode about cybermen that I watched was the Torchwood episode where what's-her-metal-tits decides to turn her azn doctor into a cyberman but FAILS SO HARD OMG IT IS TERRIBLE.  Blood fucking everywhere, metal shit shoved through his head.  It's a disaster and it took sooooo much vodka for me to regain control of my bowels after watching it.

I was a wreck for so long.  Then I watched all of the episodes of Doctor Who with them and it was just as terrible.  Watching characters that you kind of knew, like otheruniverse Jackie, get turned into cybermen, you quickly learn that it could happen to you too!  GAWD.  FUCK ME. >_>  I DO NOT WANT TO BE SAWED APART AND THEN TURNED INTO A MACHINE GET OUT OF HERE NOW!

And then there was the time that I tried to watch Caprica.  I don't watch Battlestar Galactica, so I had no idea what was in store.  Everything was going great, I liked the plot line, kind of enjoyed some of the characters...and then this bitch gets her consciousness SHOVED INSIDE A ROBOT.  Not even a part-human thing like doctor who.  A FUCKING ROBOT.

People need to stop coming up with shit about cyborgs.  I don't give a flying fuck if you lost your leg saving an orphan from a man with a chainsaw or if you're too old to walk: YOU DO NOT NEED ROBOT LIMBS.  Cyborgs will be the end of humanity.  I know it!  So let's just forget about them forever, suspend all kinds of AI or other robotic research, and start trying to heal people with magic.  Everyone knows that magic is way safer than cyborgs anyway.  With magic, humanity always wins.  With robots, we die.

And now that I've written this, and thought about these effing shitbombs, I have to go curl up into a ball and reassure myself that everything is going to be alright and that cybermen aren't going to burst through my wall and try to convert me...and maybe pour myself a glass of vodka.