My mother is the laziest chef in the world.

Thanksgiving!  Yay turkey, lots of delicious food.  Sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, cranberry shit, stuffing, green bean casserole, turkey, and PIE.  It's one of the best holidays EVER, and super super American: a holiday that only involves stuffing your face and then sleeping the rest of the day.

But not in my house.  No, no.

Ever since my parents took over the duties of cooking Thanksgiving dinner, it's been a fucking disaster.  Now, I'm not trying to say that I'm an iron chef or anything like that...but when I cook or bake, I do it fucking correctly goddamnit or I don't do it at all!  Making things from scratch is the ONLY WAY TO GO.  It's not that hard to mix a bunch of ingredients together and make something delicious.

Take pie crust, for example:

• Flour
• Sugar
• Salt
• Water

YOU SHOVE IT ALL TOGETHER AND SHIT OUT A PIE.  IT'S NOT HARD.  And it tastes great.

My mother, however, is the LAZIEST PERSON I KNOW.  And considering I know myself, and I'm really freaking lazy...that's a telling statement.  She almost never makes anything from scratch.  Cookies, pies, cakes, potatoes...anything.  It's really quite upsetting.  And it leads to things like a TERRIBLE THANKSGIVING DINNER!

Usually she buys a bunch of the pre-made stuff from the grocery store that you just have to heat up and serve.  This year, she was exceptionally lazy.  My sister was only able to be here last night, so she decided that we would have Chinese food with my grandmother for Thanksgiving dinner.  It was bad enough that we were eating it on a Wednesday, but that we weren't even having AMERICAN FOOD was especially distressing.  I like Chinese food as much as the other guy...but not for a holiday.

And then there was today.  She bought all of our food...frozen.  And cooked it up.  We didn't have turkey...no, we had chicken cordon bleu.  Instead of potatoes, we had curly fries, and instead of cranberry sauce, we had that shit that comes out of a can.  To make matters worse, she didn't even buy wine!  WHAT IS A HOLIDAY WITHOUT COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF WINE?!

Now that might just be the alcoholic in me talking, but seriously.  I needs lots of booze to make being with my family even remotely entertaining.  And with my sister gone, I need freaking hard liquor or something.  I'm seriously considering leaving early and returning to my apartment before the weekend is even over, because spending time with my parents makes me want to slaughter a village of Amish people.

But hey, maybe I'll survive...with my store-bought pie.   Dx

At this rate, we'll probably be getting take-out McDonalds for Christmas instead of a fucking ham.  Maybe I should offer to cook the dinner...then again, I'm exceptionally lazy and this is not my job, since I'm still the child.  :(  Sad day.

UPDATE: Just thought of another thing to complain about. -cough-  With no turkey, that means tomorrow I'm not going to have delicious turkey salad to eat right out of the bowl because I'm fucking boss and don't need anything to put it on. ROAR!